I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
