gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
