..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
