I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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