okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
