We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Randomize
