My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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