i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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