Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
