oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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