i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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