my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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