Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The air was thick with penises
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
