Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
