you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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