I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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