Christians are straight up FREAKS
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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