OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found your dick twin last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
