i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
