Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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