just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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