my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
