Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
