my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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