Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
