I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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