i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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