I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
