So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
