I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
