He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
