you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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