She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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