Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can I color on your dick again?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
