I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When are your genitals available?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
