so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
