dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
