I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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