Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
