So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
