your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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