ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
