We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
