The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
