I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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