just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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