Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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