you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
