he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
