3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
