why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
